...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
