4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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