Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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