I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
