Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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