did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
