With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry about my life...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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