no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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