It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
