This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
