Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
