Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
