Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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