I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
