I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
