You just made me feel so damn special
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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