After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
