Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
