i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
