if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
