he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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