Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
