What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
