no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
