We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
