i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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