I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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