I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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