If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
