why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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