why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
