Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
