im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
