That's intense
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
