You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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