I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She bit a glass in half.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
