Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
