so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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