I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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