I am midnight drunk by noon
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
