I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
