Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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