i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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