remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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