remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
