life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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