he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
