How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
