i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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