i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
