Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
