I have demons in me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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