He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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