apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
