oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
