Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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